Believing a Better Story

"He is the 'Other' who is searching for you.

he has always been searching for you.

And you, too, are looking for the 'Other',

even when-and it often happens-you feel you are

doing something quite different."

-The God Who Comes, Carlo Carretto

I find it hard to deal with myself in certain moments when I become one of those people who are annoyed by life. One of those who let a negative story of unwanted circumstances dominate their life. Here, all I see is the negative. I have reason to complain about something at any moment. 

The first thing I bring up in a casual conversation?

-How bad traffic was.

-How a coworker really ticked me off.

-How that same coworker "ruined" my day.

-How annoyed I am at my car.

-How annoyed I am at my neighbor.

-How annoyed I am at my beard, or my dogs or how cold it is outside.

-How irritated I am at my past, present and future.

It looks as if I really have nothing I enjoy in life. I find excitement, joy, pleasure, fun, contentment in nothing. For even in the absence of my complaining (if everything's going okay), I'm still not happy.

Even as I'm scribbling this all down though, I realize how overanalyzing my complaints is making me think negatively about my own negativity! Dangit... May I have more grace for myself, and for the complainers in this world. 

...

We create the stories we live in.  Stories of defeat. Stories of hope. Stories of overwhelming circumstances. Stories of resilience. Will I be present to the present, opening myself up to the invisible moments full of connection, goodness, love, hope and deep meaningful belonging?

The answer to how we are doing may have a lot more to do with how we are believing and telling our story than with how the actual events of the story are unfolding...

Therefore, may you believe a better story. 

And may you begin to tell it well.

The Dawn of Becoming

...You know that feeling you get sometimes between like 5:30-6:00 in the morning?

The feeling you get when everything is on the brink of awakening. Everything is still asleep, yet on the outskirts of dawning--of becoming. There's this great, yet subtle, deep stirring of anticipation.

The day is coming.

It's just begun.

Anything is possible.

Something great is awaiting you.

"The opportunity of a lifetime must be seized within the lifetime of the opportunity."
-Leonard Ravenhill

May you awaken to the dawn of something new.
May you step out onto the journey of becoming.

You were meant for more.
You will be made into more.
You are more.

2011 Goals

Get a Mustard Tree tattoo

Secure a summer job

Choose a Graduate Counseling Program for Fall 2012

Work out consistently

Participate in the Church calendar seasons (specifically Lent)

Pray the Hours consistently

WRITE more; Write the Story of My Life

Read more; Before buying another book, read the majority of what I already have

Learn a song on the piano

Explore more creative outlets

Sing more

Allow this list to be fluid. Trying to maintain consistency, while understanding that new adventures may be added, and some deleted.

For times of longing in the midst of your Plan B

"...You have seen my affliction, you have known the distress of my soul." Ps. 31:7-8

I know I've been better than I am. But I know I can be better than I've been. I now put my trust in you...even when "...my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing."

My pastor once said, "God cares more about your character than He does your comfort." I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Not because I've realized that truth deep in my heart or because I have awesome character or because I'm trying to be more contemplative and think about what I've heard. No. The fact is that phrase has been ringing in my ears ever since I heard it because I don't wanna believe it. When life faces you with a job that drains you emotionally, with loneliness and a lack of (or lack of the 'feeling of') belonging...when life smacks you in the face with bills and expenses beyond your control or family complexities too dysfunctional to even talk about...when life whispers lies to you of your not being good enough, deceiving your heart even on a good day...when all these things happen and your mind is shattered and your heart exhausted from the fight of trying to prove yourself, the struggle of trying to mend every relationship, fix every problem... when all this is happening--I wanna believe God cares about my comfort. I wanna believe he wants to just make everything perfect for me. I wanna believe he wants to just change my circumstances so I'm completely happy. I don't wanna believe he cares more about my character than my comfort or my circumstances. I don't wanna believe that all the crap that is happening around us can actually make us better. That all the stress, all the hardship and all the heartache can somehow shape us into better people with minds more whole and hearts better equipped for love.

Regardless of what I want to believe, however, life sometimes sucks. And I think we can get into a lot of trouble when we start believing in a God who cares more about our comfort and making us happy than about our character. I think that kind of God would make us all kinda crazy--changing life around all the time so we can experience only elated emotions, and never the awful ones.

Yeah, sometimes life is stupid and nothing seems to make sense. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand or live in a terribly long season of darkness. But its the times of sorrow that help us appreciate even more the times of joy, right? Its the times of mourning that give us new life in future rejoicings. Its times of loneliness and despair and disinterest and aimlessness that bring us more fully into times of great belonging, of peace and of purposefulness.

So...
-May you, in whatever season you find yourself in, discover a peace that helps you believe life is more than what it seems to be.
-May you find REST in a God who is desperately longing to walk with you in the midst of a stressed out life.
-May you experience your darkness fully, that your coming light will be all the more beautiful.

May you trust firmly. Amen.

Meditation on Solitude

It is a difficult lesson to learn today,
to leave one's friends and family
and deliberately practice the art of solitude
for an hour or a day or a week.
For me, the break is most difficult...

And yet, once it is done,
I find there is a quality to being alone
that is incredible precious.

Life rushes back into the void,
richer,
more vivid,
fuller than before!

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Northumbria Community Meditation Day 1, June 1

today's prayer...tomorrow's hope

May You be proved true in all my circumstances
May I trust You with my discontent,
with my frustrations,
with my longing for something else.
Help me to breathe and know--ahhh... its all good.

May you trust him with your past, your present and your future.
May you find the strength to believe in your hearts
that everything's going to be okay.
May you finally say--"ahh..its all good".

Taking Steps Toward Becoming...Taking Steps Toward Servanthood

What does it mean to wash each others feet?

John says that Jesus stood up from the meal to wash the disciples' feet only after he mentions: "Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God...(rose from supper)."-john 13:3

Do we first take intentional steps to work out our identity in God--in who God has named us to be, in who God calls us to be--before we start to be a servant to each other? Do we first make steps toward BECOMING before we effectively begin to pick up the towel and water basin?
















may you begin to find your identity as the beloved.
may you begin to hear g-d's whispers of love.
may you begin the first steps to BECOMING.
may you enter into the life of servanthood.

may you wash each others feet.

amen.