Some of you may know that I'm in the current process of looking at graduate programs for Social Work--and that I'm pursuing Counseling through the social work profession.
You may not know, however, that I'm very...VERY impatient. I have an extreme neurosis with my Contentment being completely dependant on my Circumstances. i.e.:
-If I'm hot, I'll be VERY unhappy and will turn the AC on until my toes are frost-bitten.
-If I'm cold, I'll be equally as unhappy and will turn the heat on until I have to strip the majority of my clothes off.
-If I don't like one thing about work, I'll become discontent with all aspects of my job and the company I'm working for and convince myself that ANY other job would be better.
-If I don't like being at home, I'll "need" to go out.
-If I don't like participating in some social function, I'll "need" to be alone.
-If I don't like where I'm at in life, specifically not being currently in graduate school, I'll do ANYTHING to get into a program, just so I can be in school again.
These issues may not seem neurotic enough, for you, to call them extreme. So let me clear it up with one statement:
I AM NEVER CONTENT.
No matter what happens to me, through me, around me...I hold a disgusting discontent toward every factor of my current circumstances.
Now that that is off my chest, and you are aware, to a certain extent, of a portion of my "stuff", let me share something very, VERY promising that I have been learning (even though it has been very, VERY hard for me to pay attention to).
God, knowing my passions, knowing my downfalls and addictions, knowing what brings me delight, knowing what makes me cry, knowing my dysfunction and my potential, knows what is best for me. (And you're saying: "Alex, we've heard that a thousand times" right?). Thank God, I'm finally "hearing" this.
In my constant searching for the next best thing, in my forever longing for something else, something more, something better than my current circumstance, I've been hearing God whisper "wait...just wait". And so my first response being, "WAIT?! I CAN'T WAIT!"; God continues to respond with "wait...i'm sufficient...wait".
So I've been "waiting" a bit this morning. Trying to be still and contemplate God's presence and his sufficiency. Many things come up as I sit in the stillness:
-God's been calling for me to wait on him for a long, long time now. Through his whispers, through litanies, through the psalms, and through words of mentors, this has been revealed.
-God will provide. My work, my education, my necessities, etc.--God has always provided and will continue to help me process through (and guide) the steps ahead for school and for work.
-God uses times of "coincidence". Twice this week I have found myself where I did not intend to go and have found something valuable there:
1. The other day in the library, I went the opposite way of the exit just to look at what books were over there. I found several books in that section on Integrating Spirituality with Counseling 2. Today at work, sitting in a different section of the Clinic's waiting room, I came across a
Sojourners magazine with tons of lists of schools that offer dual programs for MDIV/MSW.
Whether or not God intended for me to find these things, believing that he's been pursuing me to wait...I can't help but think he might have had something to do with these recent "coincidences". I'm deciding, I think, to look more into Master's programs with an integration for spirituality in social work practice instead of being satisfied with the school I originally applied to. So for now, I'm going to wait.
May you take time to listen to the inner whispers.
May you begin to find contentment in something greater than your circumstances.
May you begin to fall in love with a God who calls you to something purposeful.
May you begin to wait.
